how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We left an ass print on the piano.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
