did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
