So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
why is half of my head shaved?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
