I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
