you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
