So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
