what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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