I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
