were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
