??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
