I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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