margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
