Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
