I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
