we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
