it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
