A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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