why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
