I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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