im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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