First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize