Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
