I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
