am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
