the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
