Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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