he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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