she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
