got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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