Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
