we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
