what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
