Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
