2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i think my cat just said my name.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
