So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
