I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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