they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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