She announced her abortion via fbk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
