he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
