she peed on how many people?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We talked him into tasing himself.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
