google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
