A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
