tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
