If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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