I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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