We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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