i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I cannot find my penis.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
