i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
