Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
