Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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