Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
