she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
