I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
