I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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