Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
