Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
