I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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