Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
