11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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