so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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