hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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