the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
