Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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