Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
