I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
