Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
